1) I heard The Pretenders in the park on Monday. I say heard because I didn't see them at all. I opted to sit outside of the seating area and listen to the concert for free, although I wish I had paid and gone in. I had fun. However I must say the best part of the concert was the opening band "Cat Power." That's right, "Cat Power." Because I couldn't see the stage, all I could picture the whole time "Cat Power" was onstage was cats playing various instruments and more cats on stage swaying to the music. CAT POWER!! Creepy.
So later on, whilst climbing rocks in heels (I amaze myself) I find myself sitting next to this woman who seems harmless enough. She seemed to be having a good time. "Don't get me wrong" comes on, a rather upbeat song and all of the sudden I start to hear sobbing. I look around and realize the woman I sat next to is not only SOBBING but is wiping her tears away with a leaf. I am so serious. I couldn't believe my eyes, maybe I was hallucinating. Maybe the cats were using their powers to warp my mind. But I looked again and there she was sobbing and wiping her tears with leaves from the tree. I was dying to figure out why she was crying. Maybe the cats had gotten to her? She starts talking on her cell phone so I decide to use my detective skills to listen in on the conversation. I hear her say "with friends like these who needs enemies."
2) On Thursday I came to work wearing a silver metallic spandex dress not thinking too much of it. I was wearing black stockings and a black shirt underneath so it wasn't revealing at all however the silver dress itself looks like a hooker dress so I can see how it threw people off. Anyway I was informed of a free Blondie/Pat Benatar concert happening in Coney Island that night. Since "free", "Blondie," and "Pat Benatar" are the three things in life I can't pass up I decided to go. The concert itself was awesome. I ignored the security guard and eventually got within two feet of the stage which was awesome because I love Blondie.
So the concert ends at 11.30 and I decide to take the 'F' train all the way to Jamaica thinking this will save me time. Please remember that I am wearing a hooker dress (over clothes!) but still. I sit next to a wall so I can sleep. Soon enough a big big woman decides to sit next to me. Now I am squished up against the wall. The woman proceeds to sing along to her iPod obnoxiously. Meanwhile the train is delayed and is stopped for 3 minutes at every stop. Eventually the big big woman gets off. I feel relief. The train gets very crowded but I figure things can't get worse. Oh how wrong was I. It is now 12.30 because the train is taking for-EVER and this obese woman steps onto the train. Guess where she decides to sit. If I thought I was squished up against the wall before I had no idea. This woman's blubber was squished against me. I felt it jiggle every time the train went and stopped. I felt every roll of her fat against me. She sat there until the train finally pulled into the last stop at 1.15.
Now I'm thinking it can only get better. Wrong. Turns out I took the train too far, the LIRR doesn't connect at Jamaica 179th it connects at Jamaica @Syniders or something like that. Rookie mistake. So I cross over to catch the 'F' train back. The 'F' train takes 20 minutes to come. Now I'm thinking 'if only I can get to Jamaica by 2.20, I can still catch a train home and not have to suffer the 3 hr "trains don't run" break from 2.30-5.30.'
I get off the 'F' and go to wait for the 'E' train thinking it can only take a few minutes to arrive. 45 minutes later the train arrives. It's 2.30 am. I finally get on the 'E' train and get to Jamaica. Luckily there is a train running at 3.30. So I wait and wait. Eventually this guy I'm sitting next to at Jamaica starts to talk to me. He is telling me that he just got back from karaoke. This man loves karaoke. He proceeded to tell me how karaoke changed his life.
Karaoke man is getting onto my train. We have been talking about karaoke for twenty minutes now. I haven't much contributed to the conversation. I just listen to him talk about karaoke and how it changed him and blah blah blah. Lo and behold on the train Karaoke man and I sit next to a guy who overhears the karaoke conversation and butts in with "are you guys talking about karaoke? I LOVE karaoke."
This is NOT happening.
So. We get to hear all about how this kid does karaoke and whenever he does karaoke he turns the bar into a mosh pit. Since when can KARAOKE turn ANYWHERE into a mosh pit?! It can't. This kid is full of it. Then he proceeds to tell us about the time he sang "American Idiot" and he sang the 'F' word and the entire bar gasped audibly. NO THEY DIDN'T. Unless you are singing in some weird-ass prude karaoke bar in Mississippi or something NO ONE CARES IF YOU CURSE IN A BAR. So then Karaoke man gets off at his stop. Now I am all alone with crazy karaoke kid. He starts to tell me about his light-saber fight choreography and I count the seconds until my stop comes.
I finally get home at 4am, and hope back on the train to work at 8.
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