This is NOT Happening

So I took a little trip to London. I am pretty broke but the flight was ridiculously cheap and so was my hostel. I figured that I should Google 'free stuff to do in London' and one of the sights offered some free cabaret, which I am all about.

So the first night I go searching for this bar where this cabaret act supposedly is and I know I am on the right street but I can't find the place and no one seems to have ever heard of it which probably isn't a good sign. Anyway I eventually find this guy who tells me where it is, and it happens to be down this little dark alley that I never would have found. I go in and a drag queen is hosting this quiz on musicals. I think to myself, "wow I am SO going to win this."

So these two guys offer for me to sit with them because I am all alone and the host started calling me "match girl" because I was alone and I still don't understand the reference. Match girl? Anyone? Who knows.

The guys I sat with were like 'How are you here?? How did you find this place? This is your first night in London and this is where you are?? I don't understand." To which I responded, "trust me, I just would end up here, I, just, would."

Anyway, so the host is going through the questions and I am just striking out entirely. One of the questions was she played a song without lyrics and you had to name the show. The song she played everyone in the bar knew and they were all singing along and the host said "if you don't know this song, you don't know anything." I had NO idea what the song was. The answer she later told us was Chess. When she said this I stood up, threw my pen on the floor and and yelled "That WOULD be Chess, that is just SOOO English." and then everyone just stared at me and it was really awkward.....

Meanwhile I was talking to these guys about how I wanted to go see a show and I told them I really wanted to see Blood Brothers because a) I love Blood Brothers and b) Mel. B. from the Spice Girls is in it. And these guys were like "No don't go see Blood Brothers! No! Trust us, go see Priscilla Queen of the Desert," which I had never heard of. But these guys got every question on the quiz right so I figured I should trust their opinion and go see Priscilla Queen of the Desert which I kept mistakenly calling Priscilla Queen of the Damned. I had no idea what I was in for. As I found out Priscilla Queen of the Desert is pretty much a drag show with a budget. And the entire time I watched the show I was thinking to myself "I would. I would be here." Who else would mistakenly end up paying money to see a drag show on Broadway when they could have seen so many things Blood Brothers, Calender Girls, The Lion King, etc... never trust a mo you meet in a drag bar to tell you which show to go see. The best part of Priscilla, and I did have a lot of fun at the show (I even got pulled to dance onstage), but the best part was the MacArthur Park melody where people dressed as cakes with umbrellas. No Lie. I almost died of laughter in the audience.

But yes. I had a really fun Tuesday night and everything was great until my return flight was delayed by 6 hours because my plane got struck by lightning. Now listen, a few weeks ago I flew to Sweden and a man died on my plane while we were up in the air. I was only a few rows behind as I watched a nurse attempt to resuscitate him. I was watching the whole thing in horror, wide eyed. When he died one of the nurses looked over at me and just shook her head and I knew. We had an emergency landing and were delayed for 4 hours. When I got to Sweden I had to wait outside in the cold from 2am to 530am until the buses started running again to bring me where I needed to go. I really didn't think I could have a worse flight delay/experience than that. And then on Wednesday my plane got struck by lightning and there was a 6 hour delay. You know how slim the chances are for lightning to strike objects? I mean come on! COME ON. I had to be somewhere Wednesday night and it was essential that everything ran on time. ESSENTIAL. In fact, most of my trip in London was spent worrying about my return flight and just hoping that everything would run smoothly and I had to convince myself that everything would be fine. And of course something went wrong. As soon I got to the gate they announced that lightning struck and it would 'only be 10 minutes' but I knew. I knew, and I just stood there going "This is NOT happening." In retrospect I don't know why I was so surprised. Bad luck just finds me. Terrible luck. Sometimes I wonder who I pissed off...