ESL Series: I will quit the E-World

A few years ago, I taught a class of 5 middle school students:  Rich, Henry, Patrick, Sarah and Eva.  We got along well, but teenagers are teenagers and they liked to tease me and I usually teased them back.  I especially liked to get my revenge on them on test day.  On test day, I would type up a written test for them to take.  For this class, I always wrote the student's names into the test and would write things like "Change the sentence to past tense:  Rich loves Eva."  They would get so annoyed by it and it made me laugh.

One day, I made up the test and on the first page I made a reference to Rich loving Eva.  His response is above.  Didn't even write the answer, instead he wrote: "I kill you. Watch out your back."

On the next page, I wrote a story that they had to change into past tense.  It went something like.  "Henry is looking at Sarah.  Sarah is dancing with Patrick.  Rich loves Eva.  Rich asks Eva to dance with him.  Etc..."

So Rich didn't catch what I had done at first and begins doing as instructed.  Finally he realizes and halfway through writing out the past tense version of my story he stops writing and writes "teacher, you do this one more time I will quit the E-World."

I wish I could better describe the funny.  I miss this class to this day.

ESL Series: The Shower

Today I decided I need to start documenting the funny things that happen in an ESL classroom.

In my school, we have a vast amount of flash cards and teaching tools to help us in our classrooms.  My first year, I had a lower level class that was studying house objects.  I pulled out the house objects flash cards and began going through them.  All was fine until it came to the shower flash card.  This flash card shows a picture of the backside of a naked boy with shower bubbles covering his tush.  He is holding a shower head and is clearly showering.  I didn't think twice about the card when I showed it to students the first time.  But when I showed it, the class went wild.  Screaming, shreaking, laughing, crying, students covering their eyes turning red, students rolling of the floor in hysterics....the class became uncontrollable.  All because of this scandalous flash card.

As the years have gone by, I have learned to take this flash card out of the mix when teaching about house objects.  However, nowadays I am teaching what has become my favorite class of all time.  Two young boys and two young girls.  They are absolutely adorable.  They are young, about eight years old.  This class makes me laugh out loud every day.  I decided I had to bring out my favorite flash card for this class, because I was dying to see their reaction.

The moment comes and I break out the flash card.  As, expected, they lose it.  The two boys are laughing so hard they are on the floor.  The girls are shreaking and covering their eyes.  It was hilarious.  The next class, it was time to review the flash cards.  I wasn't planning on showing the shower flash card again, that would be overkill.  However, as soon as I pulled out the stack of flash cards, all four of my students started to flip out.  The boys began giggling, the girls were bracing themselves.  I couldn't explain to them that I had removed the shower flash card from the stack because if I even mentioned the word "shower," they would lose it.  This flash card has become my most powerful resource and also my kryptonite.

I will post a picture.

Big Country, Small World

I have the craziest story.  On day two of my trip in Russia, I was aboard a train going from Vladivostok to Slyudanka, a trip that totaled 69 hours.  On this trip I met a Korean guy who spoke English.  We became friends and we exchanged contact info.  This man was interviewing people along his trip and asking them about their travels and dreams.  I was one of his interviewees.

This man was getting off the train in Irkutsk, the stop after mine.  We said our goodbyes when I left the train, and I hadn't heard from him since.

Later on, I went to Olkhon Island on Lake Baikal.  On the island, I met another Korean traveler.  We enchanged info and we kept in touch via email.

Since coming back I realized I hadn't heard from my train friend.  I looked though my social media and I realized that we exchanged info but never connected.  I sent him a message using the email I had written down.

He responded and told me that he had lost my contact info along the trip.  But then he told me he had heard about me when he was in Moscow and then proceeded to ask me if I had visited Olkhon Island.  I said, "Wait, you heard ABOUT me?   And yes I did, how did you know?"  He told me he met a Korean man in Moscow that he decided to interview and after talking they both concluded that they had met me.  They had both met me separately, and then managed to met each other and deduce that they had both met me.  In Russia.  The biggest country on earth.  

Big country, small world.

Let me preface this by saying that I had a crazy busy week.  I worked a full week and then was out late every night due to trying to see people before I leave.  So when I had to get up at 4am on Friday after not getting to bed until 2am, I was a little disoriented.  When I left my house and set sail on my 6-hour-long journey, little did I know that, in my disheveled state, I had forgotten my wallet and my phone charger.

After about two hours on the road, I started to think about pulling over for some coffee and some gasoline.  I glanced around for my wallet, and there was no sign of it.  Instinctively, I knew.  I didn't have it.  Panic struck.

My first thought was to just drive and drive until I ran out of gas.  Then I could call my sister to help me out.  But she might have to drive over an hour to reach me, as there was no way I could travel another 4 hours on the gas that I had.  So I brainstormed until I realized that I have a retired father whose sole purpose in life is to bail out his crazy daughters whenever they get into desperate situations.  Lucky me.

I had another problem to face as well.  There is a toll on the Beacon bridge that I knew I had to pass through.  With no cash, no pennies to my name I started to get paranoid.  I was driving without a license.  Would they ask to see it?  Would they ticket me because I couldn't produce it?  Panic.  Panic again.

I drove silently in my car waiting until a reasonable hour before calling my dad to see if I could meet him in Danbury for some refuel.  At 7.45 I could not longer stand the anticipation.  My phone was dying and I figured it was a reasonable hour considering that until two weeks prior the man had been getting up at 5.30am, consistently for 35 years.  Turns out retirement is a funny thing.  It reverts you back into the good old teenage days of sleeping all day, or so I get the feeling as my father groggily answers the phone.  "Yeah?" "Did I wake you?" "Kinda."

Regardless, the plan to meet my father was underway and I had just enough gas to make it.  Just enough.  But now I had another problem to face.  The toll booth.  And the only way out was through.

I get to the toll booth and I am redirected into the parking lot on the side.  I am told to go into the office.  I go in a try and explain my situation.  I fill out the form to have a bill sent to me.  Then, the ticket booth lady walks over to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to me.  'In case you get desperate," she says.  I try and assure her I'll be fine but she insists I take it.  There is good in this world.

Yong Pyeong And Other Tales

I decided I needed to experience some "real" skiing this year.  I googled "best places to ski in Korea."  For website recommendations and from recommendations from my students, I decided the northernmost town of Yong Pyeong was the place to go.

I climbed aboard the bus to take me to the mountain where "tourists come from around the world to ski."  (I should know better, I MAJORED in PR.)  I sat next to an old woman and a young boy who was clearly her grandson.  When we got to the bus rest stop I didn't exit the bus and instead opted to stay on board and nap.  However, I did not stop to consider how my actions would affect others.

Apparently, my staying on the bus alarmed the old woman.  "Oh poor foreigner" I imagine she was thinking "she has no idea what's going on."  She must be STARVING after TWO WHOLE HOURS on the bus with no food."

She MUST have been thinking this for when she and her grandson boarded the bus again the grandson plopped a bag of red bean bread onto my lap and egregiously yelled in the most adorable cutest way EVER "이것 주세오!!"  "Take this please!"

I almost died of his cuteness.  And a few minutes later they thought I must be so thirsty so they gave me a can of mushroom oak juice.  Thank you adorable little boy and grandmother for your mushroom juice water!!

On another note, the "mountain" that tourists travel to from around the world turned out to be a hill.  Yeah, I said it.  It's a hill.

Scenes (of pain, horror, and regret) from a Korean Restaurant - Part 1-The Chai-nese

I am starting a new sub-series of posts called "Scenes (of pain, horror, and regret) from a Korean Restaurant" documenting my horrid experience as a waitress at a Korean restaurant in Pennsylvania.

I feel I have to just dive in here instead of attempting to explain just how horrible this job has been, because it's barely possible to explain in person where hand gestures are involved, let alone though words solely.

This post is dedicated to my boss's hatred of the Chinese, or as she pronounces it, the Chai-nese (emphasis on the first syllable.)

My boss is Korean. (North Korean I choose to believe based on her temperament, but that's besides the point.)  She's Korean and naturally, as an asian, she's racist against other asians.  Fair enough.  But not only does she take it too far, she drags me into it as well.

It all started a few months ago.  I have, since I began working at this restaurant, been terrified of my boss because she is big, scary, and um, BAT SHIT CRAZY.  So whenever she calls me over to talk at (or 99% of the time, yell at) me I look her in the eye and nod and agree with everything she has to say to me.  "You did this wrong, you did that wrong, blah blah blah!!!!" This happens EVERY SINGLE DAY and all of us who work there just take it and agree with her.

Boss: "You did this WRONG!!!!!!!!!"

Waitresses:  "Yes."  "Ok."  "Sorry."  "Yes."   :-(

This is what we have to do because there is no defending yourself at this restaurant, you'll only make things WAAYY worse.  Just agree with the boss and soon the yelling will stop.  Usually.  Well, sometimes.

So like I said, a while back some incident occurred and she choose me to yell at on this particular day. Keep in mind, my boss can't see 90% of the customers because she's always in the back cooking.  If something occurs most of the time she is just assuming, just based on unfair prejudices that the Chinese are the cause of the incident.

Incident 1

Boss:  "Kay-tee!  Why customer is complain?"
Me:  "I don't know, they wanted the food less salty."
Boss:  "No!  I can't!  The food is not TOO salty."
Me:  "Yes."
Boss:  "So why is complain?"
Me:  "I don't know..."
Boss:  "Ugh!  Chai-nese, I can't understand.  Why is too salty is no.  Not too salty."
Me:  "Yes.  Ok.  Sorry."

Over the past two weeks, this has been happening like crazy.

Incident 2

Boss:  "Kay-tee.  Why is customer put the door open?"
Me:  "I don't know.  He asked to open the door and I said I can't and then he did it anyway."
Boss:  "No.  Close the door.  Air conditioner is working.  He is Chai-nese.  Chai-nese is always open the door.  I don't want."
Me:  "Yes."

Incident 3

Boss: "Kay-tee.  Why customer is pay at the front the check?  I don't want!!"
Me:  "I don't know, I brought the check but they didn't give me their card they just came up."
Boss:  "No!  I don't want because it's always the Chai-nese and always they are too noisy.  They pay the check and make the line and is too noisy.  Chai-nese people is very loud."
Me:  "Yes. Ok. Sorry."

Now the thing is, when it comes to my boss bitching about Chinese people, she only seems to yell at me.  Why?  Does she think I agree?  I certainly do not.  Everyone does the things that she gets mad about, but for some reason she believes it is only the Chinese doing these "horrible" things which will ultimately bring the downfall and demise of her restaurant.

Incident 4:

Boss:  "Kay-tee!  Why is customer wants more the rice?"
Me:  "I don't know...they asked for more rice."
Boss:  "Ugh!  I can't understand the Chai-nese.  Why they need the more rice?  It's not good."
Me:  "Yes."

Incident 5:

Boss:  "Kaytee!  Why is customer is food complain?"
Me:  "They said they wanted the food more quickly."
Boss:  "I can't understand the Chai-nese.  This is Korean food!  Cook time is long or taste is not good!  I think the Chai-nese food is not too good and they don't understand, we are not Chai-nese food we are Korean food and time is more and food taste is better."
Me: "Yes."

Incident 6:

Boss:  "Kay-tee!  Why is customer order and all people are not here?"
Me:  "She said she's very hungry and wants to order right away."
Boss:  "No!  Why is the Chai-nese always too quickly.  They need to wait.  It is not too good and the order is together not too many times."
Me:  "Yes."

What will the Chai-nese do wrong tomorrow?  Only time will tell.

WhyI'll Never Again Sit Atop A Double-Decker Bus

On our second day in Dublin, we decided to journey outward to a town named Howth. On our way back, we decided to sit atop the double-decker bus that was transporting us. We were traveling along and looking out for our stop all the while chatting with a friendly Irishman. Soon enough it was his time to get off the bus and thus we were alone on top of the bus waiting for our stop. After a while the bus parked and turned off. It wasn't our street so we, confused as we were, figured maybe the bus driver just stepped out for a cigarette or something. So we waited. After a few minutes we realized something was wrong, the driver wasn't coming back, so we walked down the stairs to the bottom of the bus. The bus was empty and the bus driver was gone. Logically the next step was to just get off the bus. Well wouldn't that be so simple, but as we pulled and pulled on the door we realized we were locked in the bus. We were trapped inside the bus. As we stood there, dazed and confused, a girl walked by with a mix of confusion and amusement on her face. She pressed the button on the outside of the bus that opened the doors and out we went. I wish I could have seen the expression on the bus driver's face when he went back to his bus and the doors (which he left closed) were open.